Shinobi Rules Book
by Szki
Summary: Sasuke, Sakura and oil that ignites the flame.


**Disclaimer:** _I don't own Naruto._

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><p><em>.<em>

Shinobi Rules Book

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><p><em>(1; a shinobi must always hold allegiance to their kage)<em>

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For Sasuke, vengeance has nothing to do with his respect for kage and the village he was born in. No, it's so much bigger and deeper and blazing than that. For him, vengeance is more like blurred memories of traditional tea and its strong smell, the swirl of his mother's yukata, the crook of his father's rare smile as he pats Sasuke on the head and says something along the lines of 'well done'. His vengeance is filled with faint voices, smells and touches, all from people who are taken away from him.

"I'm sorry," the nurse tells him once he wakes up with a hope that it was nothing but a nasty nightmare. _I'm sorry_, she says and her voice is distant and cold and unfamiliar and where is his big brother, his big brother that looks like a hero, his big brother that has an answer for everything, his big brother who smiles when he praises Sasuke-

- Sasuke doesn't seek revenge because he forgets things of greater value; he seeks revenge 'cause he _remembers_.

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><p><em>(2; a shinobi must not value himself but rather adhere to his village's ideals)<em>

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Sakura gets her parents' permission to enter Ninja Academy after numerous days of throwing tantrums, screaming at the top of her lungs and refusing to eat. She lists her reasons and wishes - to spend more time with Ino, to become strong, to defend herself when needed but she's always careful enough not to speak Sasuke's name.

So she works hard, for chakra she has is weak and she ends up reading every single book from both library and academy, she learns all definitions, all rules, everything about sharingan.

Sometimes she stares at pictures of red eyes in books and doodles his name there.

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><p><em>(3; hone your reflexes, they often react without you realizing it)<em>

_._

"My body moved on its own," he mutters the lame excuse and even as he drops down, Haku's needles piercing deeper into his skin, Sasuke can't bring himself to say anything more than that because ever since the massacre words held a strange kind of numbness and infinity for him.

He doesn't reprimand himself for showing the same weakness again, instead Sasuke allows himself to feel like a child once more, wishing for some kind of a prayer that forgives everything and he laughs at the irony of his sacrifice. Strangely enough, it's not Itachi's mind that crosses his mind while he bleeds on the bridge of heroes; it's fused lines of orange, pink and grey.

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><p><em>(4; a shinobi must always put the mission first)<em>

_._

She stares at herself in a mirror right before the final part of Chunin exams is about to take place. Her fingers go through the sharp ends of her now short hair and she swallows as she thinks of her teammates and the possibility of them ending up hurt today. It's funny though, just two months ago she'd be scared at the mere thought of not being on the same team as Sasuke yet now - _now_she's scared of these new feelings which make her chest tighten when she sees him and color her cheeks at the mere idea of asking him out.

She doesn't notice how dates and kisses no longer worry her and how instead she wishes for more intimate moments, with long conversations where his skin has no curse marks on and his eyes are as enchanting as those on pictures in her school books. She gives her reflection a slight, insecure nod and runs down towards arena.

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><p>.<em>(5; a shinobi must always put his village before himself)<em>

_._

He thinks of the world where his smile widens as brightly as Sakura's does, he thinks of a day when he wakes up and doesn't find guilt or pity in the taste of green apples and where hospital beds carry the smell of fresh soaps and not one of rotten wounds.

He ponders about this world and his arms ache - numb fingers digging into his palms and teeth sinking into his cheeks and sometimes he hates her for reminding him that he's nothing but a child seeking some foolish revenge.

His hand hits the bowl and apples fly before her startled eyes and the green of her fear wakes him up as nightmares once again replace his childish dreams. _Welcome to the real world._

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><p><em>(6; misdirection is the sharpest blade)<em>

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When Sasuke leaves the village, Sakura can't bring herself to face other people and take their pitiful words filled with the usage of past time when referring to her lost teammate. So she locks herself in a room and weeps for never ending hours.

Her only fault is that she knew nothing about stones that stand still, yet she can't bring herself to say goodbye with ordinary gestures and wander away without looking back. Silence, she thinks, is a warm and soft noose of hypocrisy around one's neck, it's a willful crime and a self righteous way of curing one's fear and trying to be strong once again, only this time, with no regrets to follow in her step.

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><p><em>(7; a shinobi should be able to prevail without fighting, only if there's no other choice but to do so)<em>

_._

When he knocks her out and places her on the bench, Sasuke finds that it's too easy to hate Sakura. He hates the way she's ever radiant and happy, hates her for her naivety and innocence, for the promises she makes yet understands nothing about. Above all, he hates her for always making him feel guilty, even if she does it so effortlessly.

Surprisingly enough, when he says 'thank you' that night, it doesn't make him feel any less indebted to her and it does nothing to make their bond more fragile so he takes it for what it is - just another secret to keep.

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><p><em>(8; a shinobi must abstain from overindulging in the three vices: sex, alcohol and money)<br>_

She's got a box back at home - one box filled with love letters and small gifts of attention, all from other boys for that's how she lebels them – _other boys._ She declines them politely, making excuses such as 'I am too busy' or 'I don't have time' but it always comes down to him and her childish hope that sometimes she believes they all know, no matter how many lies she utters.

She does remember her first kiss, his name is Tarou or Taromaro, something like that and she meets him at café one night to go through their medical notes. She laughs at his jokes though her smile doesn't reach her eyes and he tells her how pretty and how clever she is and later, as they walk home he catches her by surprise and claims her lips in a gentle kiss but he doesn't even get to say goodbye before she bursts into tears and turns her back on him, running down the street.

She spends the rest of the night apologizing to no one - or so she thinks.

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><p><em>(9; a shinobi must always carry out the mission assigned)<em>

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It's almost like tree climbing with chakra, if you put too much force into it, you end up on the ground with the rest of the world spinning right in front of your eyes. So when he turns around Sakura looks away for she can't bring herself to face the betrayal his sharingan holds behind the final blow.

In the end, it takes only ten seconds for the heartwreck to run bone deep - it starts with a poisoned kunai pressed against his back and it ends with Sasuke scarring the restrained, silent, choked _Iamsorry_ in her throat.

And the world continues to spin.

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><p><em>(10; there are times when information is more important than lives)<em>

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He doesn't make a difference between nightmares and reality anymore, instead, he sees them and their expressions, constantly lying to him and using him in their stupid little games, Itachi, Konoha, Madara, Naruto, Sakura-

- and he hears her scream and he feels her veins pulsating under his fingers and her eyes, her fucking stupid eyes making him feel guilty again, making him feel shame and regret and disgust and he hates her, oh how he hates her and his fingers grip the sheets right when he's about to snap her fragile, little neck.

He spends the rest of the night apologizing to no one or so he thinks.

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><p><em>(11; a shinobi must see the underneath under the underneath)<em>

_._

Her surprise is evident on her face and she finds his speech of returning to their side as surreal as the mere sight of him. And even though she keeps saying to herself that he must have an ulterior motive, that he doesn't like them or her for that matter, she'll always show the same weakness when it comes to Sasuke.

And all of a sudden her weary and tired limbs show a new kind of resolve, her speed improves and her punches grow heavier and stronger and she doesn't think of him as a hero who saves the day, no, she keeps hitting her targets and all the while she screams in her mind look, look, look -

- and for the first time, he does.

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><p><em>(12; a shinobi world is a world of shadows)<em>

_._

Just when she thinks that she's about to fall, she lands on Sasuke's front, his hand gripping her trembling arm for support, eyes never leaving hers. And she sees herself in them and ironically, even with the seal and bruises covering her face, she looks like her young version so much that it hurts to breathe. The only difference is the place, a damn desert instead of Konoha leaves.

So she stares some more and she finds his chest ever solid and his grip on her arm screams of protectiveness and she wishes they could stand like this forever, picking pieces from the past and putting them together into a peaceful present, no more, no less.

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><p><em>(13; hesistation is death)<em>

_._

For Sakura, being a kunoichi means so much more than being suspected of tenderness and found guilty for not extinguishing love with hatred, but with new, bigger love. And she doesn't extinguish life with death, but with something differently alive. Foolishly, she hopes and longs and dreams that some day there will come a time when she won't torture herself with the question how to survive, but how not to die after the final death.

So the second time she confesses her love to Sasuke, she wishes for him to see the world with her eyes, only if for a second - one second that would finally show him that nonexistence is not what he should be aware of, but existence without them.

As chidori pierces through her heart, she realizes that every reality is more real if you add unreal to it.

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><p><em>(14; when in danger you must not reveal anything involuntarily)<em>

_._

He swallows and a small shudder may as well give him away and in his mind he sees her expression of sympathy for his misfortune and sadness at the new prospect of parting. Again, just like the first time she confessed, his determination is already above anything she may say or promise to do. But still, he dares to imagine - the way she stands there, a picture of loveliness, her hair hanging loose – and all of a sudden he's distraught by so much suffering and powerless in the face of such enchantment.

In his picture, her eyes are ever green and clean, but filled with a wistful remorse, shaded by long eyelashes which half hide her tears. And he's afraid, afraid that with one glance over his shoulder she'll pierce the defenses of his mind, sense and heart.

_The best illusion is the worst illusion._

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><p><em>(15; only through experiencing the confrontation of danger, the transcendence of fear or injury or death can you acknowledge individual personal powers and limitations)<em>

_._

As she tends to his arm, sound of the waterfall swallowing his 'sorry' Sasuke remembers the scene with apples and hospital beds. He thought then of a perfect world, one Sakura's smile offered, one where he could be free with no revenge on his path. But there's been too much blood, too many wrong words and as her bangs cover her tears, a silent sob escapes her lips as she asks, "What for?"

And he realizes that not even a hundred days of apologizes will ever be enough for everything he's done to her and that perhaps there's no one else to whom he could possibly show a record of fleeting impressions that might well be right one day and wrong the next - and it breaks him again that she's still willing to stay.

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><p><em>(16; turn your weaknesses into strengths)<em>

_._

"See you soon," he whispers in a voice that's almost as gentle as the press of his fingers against her forehead. And it's ridiculous really, how fast the blush spreads from the tip of her cheeks to the back of her shoulders.

She captures the scene then – line of familiar benches standing still in the background, dark bangs covering his eyes, tints of pink on his cheeks and her mouth opens in bewilderment as her forehead burns, but not from the green seal of a barely sustained power or mean and hurtful remarks from her childhood – it's another promise, she thinks, fragile and firm, poignant and soothing and above everything, reserved and spoken only for her.

_Soon,_ she lets the wind carry his words.

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><p><em>(17; death to traitors)<em>

_._

Redemption, Sasuke believes, does not mean to ignore or throw away all of your sins, on the contrary, it's a tough road where one acknowledges and learns to live with his mistakes and rebuilds his dignity and trust from the start. It's a process he must do on his own, so he spends the following years  
>traveling around the world and helping other villages rebuild their homes 'cause there are times when 'sorry' won't suffice.<p>

_Sorry_ is a lot of things, he thinks, _sorry_ is not just about speaking, it's about knowing as well. In his case, _sorry_ is hanging somewhere between long nights of self-pity and stretched days of self-hatred. It's a new punishment for his deeds and selfish actions, but in the end, Sasuke knows that _sorry_ is the only thing that's always theirs to take or leave and only ever his to offer.

Days never seemed longer.

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><p><em>(18; a shinobi must prepare before it is too late to)<em>

_._

Contrary to the popular belief, Sakura doesn't seek, soothe or embrace Sasuke when he returns to the village. There are shattered things, more painful and more sacred that still run through their bones, leave imprints in their minds and boil in the hot fierce blood that flows through their pulsating veins.

Things that taste like Madara's piercing eyes, smell like open wounds and cuts and hearts, things that have shape of Neji's last breath and dead comrades.

No, she doesn't seek, soothe or embrace Sasuke once the war ends. Instead, Sakura learns to sleep and wake with overwhelming silence, an awful taste of sake in the air and throat that burns with unspoken promises and something akin to regret. She can't help but think that this is what they are meant for – to have countless once upon a times and not a single happily ever after.

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><p><em>(<em>_19; shinobi have no honor, they take their village's honor as their own)_

_._

It's Naruto who comforts her one day and tells her the whole story - about Itachi's sacrifices and Council's orders on the night of massacre. It's only after she had her third bottle of sake that she finds herself in front of Sasuke's apartment, eyes swollen and lips bruised from nervous biting. If he's shocked when he sees her, he doesn't get to show it for she throws her arms around his neck and pulls him into a harsh, bruising kiss that makes his mind go blank and he kisses her back, with as much passion and need, all control lost, as he settles himself between her tighs and the flames around them ignite as she leaves herself out in the open, all insecurites and years of held up want trembling in front of his red eyes.

It's only when she moves her mouth to mark his neck with hot and burning bites that he finds his voice, "We shouldn't, the honor-"

But Sakura's not a little girl anymore, there are no dreams of weddings or nice prince charmings and right now, while she tightens the grip of her legs around his hips and curses into his skin, "To hell with village, to hell with honor," she gives herself in whole and shows him that there _is_ a bigger picture in this life, the one with burning light and kept promises and this time, Sasuke takes it without a question.

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><p><em>(20; a shinobi must never question their commander)<em>

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They allow him to bury what's left of Itachi's body on Sunday morning.

It's a sad picture and Sasuke is once again reminded of injustice his brother had to suffer. For Itachi wasn't meant for such shows and theatre of dried up tears, where graveyard rules reign, he wasn't meant for lonely places with no hope and fire, where there are no fights and songs and applause and the end is known in advance.

Sakura tightens her hold onto his hand and the flow of his thoughts changes; he stares at the grass hiding his brother's face and he sees thousands of colorful birds flying through Itachi's eyes and suddenly there are no limits this life can offer.

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><p><em>(21; the failures or successes of one affect the whole)<em>

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There are times when Sakura welcomes him in her arms without a question. She reaches out to him, brushes dark locks out of his eyes and whispers words of comfort and salvation into his ears. She trembles beneath him, hot and burning and Sasuke revels in her sighs and tight embraces which remove slow shadows of doubt from his face the same way spring wind removes shadows of clouds floating over the mountains. He curses his left arm then, wishing to feel all her little imperfections and soft skin painted with scars.

Her kisses give him courage and her thighs stop the pain and every night she brings him over the edge and makes him wonder if this is what home really feels like.

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><p><em>(22; a shinobi must never show attachment)<em>

_._

Sasuke's friendship with Naruto is not only measured in exchange of rough punches and shouted words, the real sense of it lays in sharing the same pain and loneliness that can't be avoided no matter how many people you welcome in your life. Still, even though it's Naruto who gives him his old scratched headband when he leaves the village, it's Sakura that greets him on his twenty second birthday with a beautifully wrapped gift.

It's a simple blue box with Uchiha symbol on it and when he opens it to find the very new and shiny Konoha headband, there's a lump in his throat making it harder to breathe, so he meets her curious look with his own hesitant one, he swallows his fears and his hands tremble as his voice shakes with barely hidden insecurities.

"Marry me," he whispers to the leaves and his lips inhale her treacherous sobs.

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><p><em>(23; a shinobi must endure)<em>

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Even though everyone seems to be at peace now, it's not always easy for them.

There are still times when Sasuke wakes in the middle of a night, covered in cold sweat with vivid images of his lost family hanging in the air. Sometimes he lets Sakura sooth him back to sleep, with her soft voice and comforting words. Sometimes, he does the opposite, gets up and goes straight to the training grounds to let it all out and breathe in some fresh air. It's not just him, though.

Some nights are filled with sweet touches or rough tousling around and some nights it's Sakura that wakes in screams. She either lets his arms wrap around her shaking body or makes a run for the bathroom, tightly holding onto her neck. When the morning comes, they don't speak about demons of the past.

Instead, they push those nights in foreign and sacred places and in silence, they endure together.

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><p><em>(24; forgiveness is a luxury)<em>

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"It's a girl," Sakura points to her round tummy before he gets a chance to stumble through the door of their house. There's a strange tightness forming in his throat and Sasuke can't find strength to move from their doorstep. He feels all strange kinds of emotions swirling inside his chest and most of all he feels fear. He pictures their child coming home and asking questions about grandparents or why are people calling her father a traitor.

He swallows and closes his eyes and sees it so clearly, questions about his bloodline and how come he's got a rinnegan and Sasuke knows that no eye doctor could help with that answer and how could they ever raise a child and explain to her that her parents' souls were cross-eyed because they looked widely, as wide as their homeland is, green from the leaves in the late spring, yellow from flowers and brightness of a daylight and blue from all the silent lullabies in the world.

"Hey," his wife pulls him into her arms and her voice is the softest he's ever heard as she whispers into his ear that everything's going to be okay.

And for the first time, Sasuke believes her.

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><p><em>(25; a shinobi must never show emotion)<em>

_._

There's a word in Old Japanese called _Sarada_ which presents an oil that should ignite the flame. So the third time Sakura confesses her love to Sasuke, she doesn't voice it out loud. Instead, as he returns from one of his long travelings, she spreads her arms to welcome him back and her smile is trembling with patience and barely hidden happiness.

"She's asleep," Sakura whispers nodding towards their daughter's room and Sasuke sees her for who she is, her failures and flaws, her unique beauty and strength and above all, her never ceasing belief in him. And when he pulls her back into him and whispers a quiet 'thank you,' breathing in his wife's sweet smell, he realizes that he never meant those words more than he does now.

For finally, after what seems like decades, Sasuke has something that's _his_ in every way possible.

And frankly, it seems like a good start.

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><p><em>. <em>

_- the end -_

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><p><strong><em>AN:_**_I wrote the first half of this about a year ago and I was battling with myself whether to rush and write an ending of my own or to wait for manga to end. Luckily, patience won. I hope I succeeded in picturing the characters and their feelings and even though I didn't have Beta edit this before publishing it, I gotta say, I'm a bit proud of this one, if not for the way I wrote it, then because all these years of following SS pairing finally paid off._

_The other struggle I had with this piece was my ambition to turn it into a chaptered fiction, but I knew that my poetic style of writing prose wouldn't fit a long story, so I still have some outlines and plans for a new fanfic in my mind, but I can't promise anything in the near future. Hope you enjoyed this one!_

_Stay chaste,_

Szki


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